what you will learn today
- He was frustrated.
- Remove all of his belongings from your living space.
- Secondly, take the time to think about what you’ve just learned.
- Be absolutely and brutally sincere in your assessment.
- Not being told that you need additional therapy should not cause you any distress.
- Take this with a pinch of salt, as you would anything else.
I could provide an answer to this question, but first, allow me to ask: Why in the universe would you want your ex back?
Take a moment to consider this. Your ex-boyfriend has wasted and dumped you quite apart, and it is clear to me that the breakup was not mutually agreed upon. Then why would you want to invest your time and attention in someone who, by all appearances, has little interest in your well-being?
I suppose, based on the fact that he has decided to walk away from the whole thing, there are a few factors I can predict with a high degree of confidence:
He was frustrated.
Whichever it is, he either doesn’t understand how to talk this responsibly or you aren’t inclined to listen to him in this respect, and I’m not sure which is the case here.
This man does not care about figuring things out and would rather end a relationship that has appeared to be trying to work up to this point, and the fact that you want him back suggests to me that you may have been developing avoidant attachment issues.
I recommend that you try the following: First and foremost,
Remove all of his belongings from your living space.
No, I’m not kidding. You should package that s**t and put it on the balcony, telling him he must go get it by the later part of the next day.
When he comes, don’t answer the door; instead, let him take his belongings from the balcony and write a message with it, informing him that if anything was forgotten, please just leave a catalog of what was forgotten in the mails or somewhere, and you’ll let him fully understand within 3 weeks that you’ve been able to locate it, as well as when he could even come to pick it up.
If you don’t want to talk to him, don’t. He’s just made fun of you. At this point, you don’t want to speak with him.
Secondly, take the time to think about what you’ve just learned.
It’s much more beneficial to write down (not on a computer, but on actual paper) and list what was positive and negative about the relationship rather than just listing the good and bad aspects of the relationship.
Also, be truthful! Did you ever get into a fight over something insignificant?
- Did you go to sleep feeling resentful?
- Was he unresponsive to your requirements?
- Were you uninterested in listening to him and when he required your assistance?
Be absolutely and brutally sincere in your assessment.
You should try to keep your emotions out of the circumstance as much as possible and approach it with pure, clear logic.
Take a mental step back and imagine yourself as a third party who is observing what is happening in those recollections. If you are unable to do so, find someone that can. A colleague, a therapist, or someone who can maintain their objectivity is all a good option.
Often, as human beings, we make mistakes and fail to consider the consequences of our actions, but also being able to separate ourselves from our emotions is critical.
And if you do have to contact someone to assist you in seeing things clearly, ask them for genuineness – and don’t be upset if they give it to you!
If they are hesitant to speak openly about it, this could be an indication of how you react to detrimental different viewpoints, and it could also be a clue as to what might have gone wrong in the relationship and with yourself in the first place.
Although no one likes to hear, “Yeah, you’re the type who blows up whenever anything goes wrong,” if it’s the truth, it’s something you should work on.
After this, refrain from entering into the next relationship for a minimum of six months! A year would be preferable. Why? Because when you dive straight into another relationship, you’re expecting it to be as perfectly content and amazing as the one that just tanked, and you’re putting the other person in a bad position, as well as destroying any chance of having a successful relationship with them in the first place.
It is possible that they will be patient if they truly want to be with you. You can simply tell them that you have recently ended a relationship and are still in the process of getting back on your feet.
If they are worth their salt, they will acknowledge and will be content to simply be a good friend to you. (Also don’t make them wait interminably, okay?
(Also don’t make them wait interminably, okay? Don’t friendzone the guy for the glory of Christ, please don’t do it. Jeeze! As soon as he starts trying to put out signs that he has a thing for you (or even a crush on you), ask him straight up, “Are you looking for something more in this relationship?”We don’t want to be strange, but if you’re really, then we’ll have to converse about a couple of things.” Simple.)
Finally, but certainly not least, don’t be too fast to dismiss the possibility of therapy. For me, going to therapy means dealing with something that is fundamental to your being (if the basis of a house needs to be updated and preserved, what do you think needs to occur with a person’s mind and heart?).
We all need to check in with ourselves from time to time to make sure we’re doing the right thing by ourselves and others), so it is not necessary to see a therapist every minute a relationship comes to an end.
When in doubt about whether therapy would be beneficial, talk to a colleague or lecturer who you can put your trust in to talk about your feelings and concerns.
Not being told that you need additional therapy should not cause you any distress.
I never recommend that someone seek counseling from a preacher or religious guide because their religious beliefs inevitably cause them to be biased in how they counsel somebody or something. It has nothing to do with religion; it is simply a factor to take into consideration.
Take this with a pinch of salt, as you would anything else.
I hope you begin to feel better shortly. Although the end of a relationship is never easy, remember that it will ultimately become easier.
Even more importantly, if the thought of being alone is a source of anxiety for you, you are NOT required to enter into a relationship.
Until you’re content with your own personal life, you won’t be able to be content in a relationship with another.
Provide nourishment for your true essence, your consciousness, your heart, your body, and your soul.
You ARE going to be satisfied again, promise me that. Take excellent care of yourself!