what you will learn today
why is love so hard to find.
hello, this is Jones and if you feel like you’ve been attempting to find deep passionate love for months or even years without being able to do it and feels harder than it needs to be on today’s episode I’m gonna be sharing with you why this is so and what you can do starting today to turn this around once and for all stick with me.
Here’s how I’ll start this article the reason why finding love feels hard deep love, passionate love, lifelong love, best friend partnerships, soul connection is because it is hard. Having said that the reason why it feels harder than it needs to be is that some times human beings in this specific case women because you are my audience and who I’m speaking with right now to step into relationships.
In this analogy imagine that you want to drive from California to Alaska and it’s gonna be a long way up and you get your car it’s an amazing car, the beautiful car just washed and you put in the highest grade of fuel that you can find and you get on the road. As you get on the road you recognize after five days on a trip that maybe should have lasted two or three that you still feel like you’re in your neighborhood.
well, the reason why this feels harder in that specific analogy is that you have been circling around your block for five days a lot of women I connect with who tell me it’s been years and I’m I just can’t seem to find this love thing is because they are running around in circles confusing circles for the direct path of finding love.
Now having said this there is no direct highway to find love there’s it’s a curb highway but it still goes in some it still has a progression of a path going forward circling around doesn’t have a progression going forward rather than just sharing this analogy with you which in and of itself can wake you up to the fact that you’ve been running in circles versus going for a straight or for a curved road that gets you love I’m going to share with you specific ways in which you might be running around in circles first one is.
Choosing the same flaws in new men
Choosing the same fundamental type of men if you go let’s say you’ve gone over the last ten years through six relationships and if you step back you dissect the core essence the core characteristics the core elements that made you feel super attracted to on each one of those guys or that made you say yes to them you will find some commonalities
And most times those commonalities it’s like you have a different face and a different guy but the same essence maybe that commonality is the guy doesn’t really want commitment. maybe the commonality is the guy hasn’t found his passion in life and he’s just wandering around aimlessly and you’re the stronger one of the two in the sense that you have your shit together and he doesn’t maybe the commonality is he is somewhat abusive.
And somewhat controlling and you confuse that control with love because it feels intense so as you can see like going for the same type of guy is running around in circles second reason in which you might be stepping into running around in circles is.
2. You are fundamentally attempting to feel an existential void in your life( through men).
Each one of this man that you’re connecting with now at some level we all want to feel a void but when the fundamental reason for stepping in a relationship is my life is lacking meaning my life is lacking expressiveness life is lacking awesomeness passion drive openness any of the things that are really fundamentally yours to own you don’t own them by yourself and you seek them out in someone it’s that it’s it’s imagine you have a barrel that can that has a hole in the bottom and can never be filled up.
It’s an unending well that feels like no matter how much he does it’s still not enough and it’s not enough because you’re seeking Him things that you should find first in yourself so again if you have gone through several guys attempting to find some fundamental essence of life that you haven’t had the knowledge or wisdom or courage or training on how to find within yourself then you feel like it’s never enough and it’s enough not because of them but because you should be doing certain things for yourself First third reason why a lot of women go around in circles feeling like it’s harder that needs to be is because.
Failure to set strong boundaries early on.
They don’t set strong powerful clear enough boundaries at the start so what does that that means that you enter a relationship you feel attracted to the guy you make the decision subconsciously that he should be the one or that he’s an awesome guy because he treated you really well for the first two or three dates and then when he starts doing things that mess with your boundaries instead of saying absolute-fucking-bul*** not or here’s what I need or here’s how we can do this or help you understand this because it’s not feeling right you start fearing losing him so you don’t set a boundary those boundaries
when they get crossed time and time again they create a feeling of pain of resentment of I’m never gonna get what I want and greater fear because you’re more invested that I’m gonna lose him if I now tell him after this long that I don’t want this so the fear gets stronger the pain gets stronger and you get trapped in throw-in situation that eventually.
One day you’ll say I’m out and you’re out because you were not clear early on that those are things that should not be crossed and maybe how’d you share them some guys have the capacity to say I’m cool with that some guys don’t but either way you could have avoided a lot more pain had you said that at the beginning now if you didn’t then you’ve gone from relationship to relationship not setting the right boundaries and running around in circles fourth reason why you might be running around in circles instead of going for the closest path to finding love is because
You cant see your blindsports.
Sometimes imagine that you have a cookie jar and you get inside and the label that gives you the calories and the sugar and the ingredients is on the outside you can see it so what does that mean .Sometimes there’s things that you’re fundamentally doing that you may not have a self-awareness to know that what you’re doing isn’t getting in the result. It could be anything from the way you connect with them the level of open as you share the decisions you make big red flags that you’re unaware of but if you’re not self aware of the mistakes you’re making.
But still go forward just pushing harder then you’re making more mistakes along the way so that would be a the cookie jar approach like I’m inside a cookie jar I can’t see on the outside but I keep doing more and more and faster and faster instead of getting better it’s more painful for me the more I go along.
The last thing I’ll say is that sometimes it’s a combination of these things right sometimes it’s not just one of them sometimes there’s a combination of all these things that I’m sharing that make this really really hard for you to find love so recapping what I said finding love is absolutely hard but you might be making it significantly harder by not recognizing some of the challenges flaws that I shared with you right now now if you feel this article of love so hard to find helpful useful insightful PLEASE SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS.